So I have been avoiding a lot lately. Yet, oddly enough I have been forced to confront a lot about myself. All in all ( a terrible way to start a sentence by the way) this winter break was done a lot for me. The following list will describe the revelations that have come to pass. 

#1. I have realized a lot about the way I avoid people. There seems to be a dichotomy in how I associate with people. I am unsure whether my avoidance of interaction is chemical or stems from rejection. This rejection could be partly my fault and a self-filling prophecy. It is a giant tangled mess and i just don't know what do to, but try and do what feels right. ( Even if it means taking the side door on the bus to avoid having to walk past the bus driver or crossing the street to avoid eye contact with someone.)

#2. Relationships. I have realized how good my first boyfriend was to me and how much I took for granted the way he treated me. I miss that. I have also realized that the "relationship" that developed last year ended for a reason. I now see these reasons and am glad that it ended. We both created this false image of the other and tried to live in that falsehood. It didn't last.

#3. Friends. I don't have many people I consider real friends. Liz of course is a good friend and always will be. But the friendship has definitely changed. Being back at home and then coming back to school in mke has made me realize that I don't have many friends. The reasons are contingent on my mood that day, but the fact remains, the number of friends I have has dwindled. I only talk to two people back home. At school, things have drastically changed since the previous year. 

Well that is all for now. I am gonna to meditate and get ready for the first day of classes tomorrow, for which, I am stoked. 

p.s. That is a picture from sophomore year of high school. So I was 16. Wow, seven years ago.